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Updated: Mar 15

With all that’s going on in the world, are you battling the urge to wallow in self-pity as you sit through one more Zoom meeting? Are you looking at others who have it way worse than you, slapping your face for even considering feeling sorry for yourself?

Or did this tumultuous time finally get to you, sucking you into what looks like a justifiable pot of self-pity?

Undoubtedly you know that whining with a side of poor me isn’t a flattering look.

Self-pity is like a drug -- addictive, destructive, and providing momentary pleasure at best. It keeps you stuck and powerless, especially with so many others stewing in the same pot encouraging that you stay splashing with them.

Honestly, withdrawal from self-pity can be challenging since it’s one of the toughest addictions to kick.

But Why?

Why do people (maybe you?) dive headlong into that bubbling pot? What’s self-pity really about?

It goes down to one core factor: Self-pity is your primitive, fear-based consciousness’ belief that you are a victim.

Once you know that, on a Higher Consciousness Level, everything in life is chosen – either for the lesson it provides or to remember something suppressed from the past that needs cleaning up – self-pity doesn’t have legs.

In fact, it feels awful.

But, fear-based consciousness thrives on you looking like a victim, so self-pity is its Best Buddy.

Pity Rewards

Way back somewhere you may have bought into the notion that the only way to get what you want is if people feel sorry for you. It’s a common false belief, and your fear-based consciousness believes it whole heartedly.

Then, getting your pity-fix from others feels like a positive reward, giving you attention, rescuing, etc. But, those so-called rewards actually keep you disempowered and stuck.

A while ago one of my students shared her amazing story about being stuck in self-pity.

“I’d been having painful cramps once-a-month during ‘that time of the month.’ My husband and I were about to go out to dinner with some friends when my monthly 'friend' showed up bringing terrible cramps. When the couple arrived, I was curled up in fetal position on the floor, hugging a hot water bottle as I dramatically writhed in pain.

“The man looked down at me and asked a question that changed my life: “So, what Rewards are you getting from this?” At first it pissed me off, but I decided to think about it rather than flip him off.

“I realized that once a month I was guaranteed to get pity from my husband, and I was defining that as love. I would milk it as much as possible, getting help with the chores, handing over care of our baby, etc. I was getting so many rewards!

“As I said that to my friend, amazingly, I felt the cramps stop and I was absolutely fine! And, from then on I have never had cramps! Quite a miracle!”

Poor Me Types

Self-pity can be blatant or really subtle.

The standard Victim (Why me, life isn’t fair) runs a close second to the Martyr (I suffer in silence), or the Savior (I save victims and martyrs and never get appreciated). How about the Struggler (I always find the difficult way to do things, making sure to let everyone know). Or the Old Timer (Things were better back in the good ole days; you shoulda known me then!).

Ending Self-Pity

It’s important to allow emotions to be felt, but noticing if you’re wallowing in the pity pot can help you make other choices. Self-pity feels awful with self-awareness, plus realizing those so-called Rewards don’t really help. (Self-pity goes deep and I’m happy to help)

Often, self-pity shows up when there’s a Higher Consciousness quality or big transformation about to occur. It’s your fear-based consciousness fearfully trying to keep you stuck and disempowered. Don’t!

Know that a self-pity wallower is not who you really are -- deserve to get out of that pot and get your True Power back!


Royce Morales, a renowned transformational facilitator and spiritual teacher for decades, shares breakthrough tools to discover and resolve the roots of negative, self-sabotaging programming. Create the life you deserve!

Royce offers remote group classes, an e-course and private inner journey sessions using her empowering spiritual clearing techniques.

Contact Royce for a free fifteen minute consultation to see if this inner-journey is a good fit.

Royce is the author of three fascinating books about her teachings: “Want: True love, past lives and other complications;” “Know: A spiritual wake-up call;” and “Back: Rebirth After Stroke,” all available on

Her website is and Twitter is @RoyceMorales. She can be reached at

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