Does it bug you when someone all of a sudden doesn’t like you? Did they adore you one minute and despise you the next? Are they going around trying to convince others to join their not-liking-you team, gossiping and bad mouthing you until they recruit new members?
The frustrating part is you have no idea what happened. When you ask did I do something to offend you, they shrug their shoulders and say nope, everything is fine. Instead of talking, trying to resolve the situation or at least giving an understanding of the issue, it gets swept under the rug.
But you sense it, like breathing through fog. They feel distant. You feel awkward around each other. The friendship is never the same no matter how hard you try, simply because they won’t cop to what the heck is going on.
It appears to be an easier choice rather than having a conversation that could be hurtful or confrontational. But unresolved situations are carried for years and can weigh you down for life.
Certainly, this scenario has happened in your life. Are you flashing on times? Seems even more common now that you can break up by text, ignore your cell phone, block them on social media. AKA ghosting.
Before I go further, know that you have two primary spiritual human assignments.
The first one is to be okay with peoples’ opinions and judgments about you. Meaning not trying to change yourself or compromise who you are to please others, AKA living a lie. Not attempting to defend or explain yourself if you inadvertently push someone's buttons. Choosing to attain acceptance from others by losing self-acceptance is not a solution.
This assignment means reaching the point, authentically, where you accept that someone’s reactions to you actually have nothing to do with you.
Which leads to your second assignment.
If someone’s lack of approval causes a negative reaction in you, they are showing you something you are in denial of about yourself. They are gifting you with an opportunity to look within so you can discover a mirror. Doing that can resolve situations, restore peace and heal relationships.
Remember this indisputable Rule of Thumb: If a button is pushed, there is always something being reflected about yourself.
Here's an example: A longtime friend suddenly ghosts you and you have no idea why. When you finally communicate and ask point blank what happened, she confesses that a mutual friend informed her that something she had confided was not kept confidential. You explain that you didn’t understand that this information was meant to be secret.
She’s stunned that you didn’t realize something so obvious. You apologize profusely to no avail. You both walk away without taking it further and your friendship is never the same. In fact, you are disappointed that something so trivial could cause her to sever ties with you.
What could have resolved this situation was honest, responsible communication.
Rather than explaining your actions, validate your friend’s feelings with compassion and understanding. Take responsibility for your choice and apologize for misunderstanding her assumption that you should’ve known it was confidential.
Then, look deeper at any mirrors that were exposed and perhaps share them with your friend if it seems appropriate.
To complete the situation, let her know how much you value her honesty as well as her friendship. Perhaps make a commitment to be clear about what is okay and not okay to share with others.
Wouldn’t it be amazing if all buttony situations were handled in this way? War and violence would disappear.
None of this is easy to do since your fear-based, primitive consciousness believes you need approval to survive. That notion goes to your core and won’t resolve by trying to fake it or say whatever; who cares.
And, the need for approval can resolve.
How? By once again recognizing what is being reflected to you. Rather than getting angry, resentful, judgmental and pulling away, discover the gift of self-awareness the non-approving person is giving you. How are they reflecting what you don’t like or judge about yourself? What have you pushed into the recesses of your subconscious, denying that quality about yourself?
This bottle of Windex will clean up mirrors as to why you don’t approve of yourself. They are helping fast forward another primary human assignment – to evolve to authenticity.
Perfect Life Awakening is a time-tested path to empowerment!
Royce Morales is a renowned spiritual trailblazer who has been teaching her innovative approach to inner transformation for decades. She developed this spiritually based program, to take you from triggered to empowered!
Perfect Life Awakening provides tools to discover and resolve sources of subconscious, self-sabotaging inner programming. This profound work brings enlightenment down to earth and unlocks the door to your highest potential.
If you are struggling to find joy, meaning and self-love, this inner adventure can shift your consciousness, awaken you to a life of deservingness, and connect you to your authentic self.
Royce has a weekly column in Mountain News called "A Higher Perspective on Life" and a quarterly column on Healthy Living Magazine.
Royce is an Executive Contributor to Brainz Magazine.
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Royce is the author of three fascinating books about her teachings:
“Want: True love, past lives and other complications” explains the eternal connection of soulmates and the lessons that arrives from them.
“Back: Rebirth After Stroke” is Royce's personal spiritual journey after her husband's stroke that will help you through any traumatic event.
All Royce's books are available on amazon.com