The other day, I noticed that I was rushing to go make my bed. No particular reason: I was not expecting company.
My thoughts said: What if someone comes over?
Understand that we live in the mountains and no one, and I do mean no one, comes over unexpectedly. Ever. In eight years.
Even though not a soul would witness my rumpled, unmade bed, part of me felt the need to make sure it was not in disarray. I flashed back to how my mother was obsessive about bed-making. As soon as I was old enough, I was not allowed to leave the house with my bed unmade.
Pausing to ask myself why my own need, I heard “You are addicted to needing approval.”
Like other addictions, the need for approval is chasing a temporary high. It is impossible to feel satisfied long-term. It is never enough. Yet, you never give up trying.
The primitive, fear-based part of your consciousness believes you need other people’s approval, external validation, in order to survive. This is hardwired affecting you in present time as well.
On a subconscious level, that need starts early, believing that your worth comes from other people’s opinions of you. It is about desperately trying to fit in, feeling like you are accepted, acceptable so you can belong.
In order to fit in you have to adapt. How? By not being who you are.
You try endless tactics, and the more you want it, the less it seems to work.
The cosmic joke is that even if you do receive approval, your fear-based consciousness dismisses it, negates it, believes you don’t deserve it since not being authentic is how you received it.
And even if you do fit it, you are living a lie which ultimately causes you to not accept yourself.
What a sad, desperate way to live life. And so universal.
The solution is simple but, like dealing with any addiction, not easy. It’s called creating consistent, internal, self-validation. AKA approving of yourself.
A good place to start is recognizing when you are doing something from needing outside approval. You can ask yourself, am I doing this (buying this, saying this) from an authentic place or am I needing praise, attention, recognition, etc.?
You will be amazed at how much of what you do is for the results you get. Like being an actor on a stage, dependent on applause.
The most important step to take is getting to the origins of why you need external validation. Digging deep and finding where you stopped loving and accepting yourself can free you from the endless loop of needing external approval.
Discovering and resolving why you believe you don’t deserve to approve of yourself is the key to believing what you do deserve. Permanently. (Shameless plug for the life-shifting work I do)
So, excuse me, I will go make my bed simply because I like things to be neat and orderly. Besides, it’s spider season up here and who wants to be surprised by an eight-legged creature sharing dreams with you? Even itsy-bitsy ones!
Royce Morales is a renowned spiritual trailblazer who has been teaching her innovative approach to inner transformation for decades. She developed Perfect Life Awakening, a spiritually based program, to take you from triggered to empowered!
Royce hosts "The Perfect Life Awakening Show" on Om Media, first and third Wednesdays of the month at 9:00 a.m. PT.
Perfect Life Awakening provides tools to discover and resolve sources of subconscious, self-sabotaging inner programming. This profound work brings enlightenment down to earth and unlocks the door to your highest potential.
If you are struggling to find joy, meaning and self-love, this inner adventure can shift your consciousness, awaken you to a life of deservingness, and connect you to your authentic self.
Subscribe to Royce's YouTube channel where she shares enlightening information about her empowering, spiritually-based teachings!
Royce is the author of three fascinating books about her teachings:
“Want: True love, past lives and other complications” explains the eternal connection of soulmates and the lessons that arrives from them.
“Back: Rebirth After Stroke” is Royce's personal spiritual journey after her husband's stroke that will help you through any traumatic event.
All Royce's books are available on amazon.com